AnonymousHoly crap, okay so apparently I can respond to these things! Durrrrrrrr! yessums, I do remember you, how on earth (or on mars) could I forget? Message me! porthana70@gmail.com
Sputty! If you’re reading this, yesss it’s me! I’ve missed you so much, message me sometime! porthana70@gmail.com
Next time ily, don’t message me Anon, I can’t message you back!
<3
My head is swimming with…..with…..I don’t even know. Craziness? Confusion perhaps, whatever it can be called, the clock is ticking. I want, more than anything at this point, to be fit. Fit before summer is my goal. I’ve managed to gain roughly 7 pounds these past few weeks, which at first scared me but now realizing it’s muscle gain. I’ve been working out like crazy, jogging everyday now for atleast 30+ minutes but all I can wonder-is it enough? I want to be fully transitioned, if not damn close, by fall (when I plan on FINALLY starting college). I’ve told myself a million times, I won’t do it unless I’m fit. And yes, if you’re wondering, I do talk to myself an awful lot :) aaaaaaaaaanyways, I cannot transition unless I’m happy with my body. Tick tock tick tock tock tick…tick…tick BOOM=my mind if I’m able to do this all in one year.
Once again I repeat myself…
IT’S BEEN AWHILE!
Indeed. I suppose the greatest thing I have to share with you is my 1 1/2 hour long conversation to my niece about being transgender. The first 1/2 hour consisted of her being in UTTER disbelief. I made her call my brother, who confirmed everything I said. The look on her face + the loooooooonggg ass pause that went with it=EPIC. She said I should get involved with some support groups etc so I’m gonna look into that :)
I thought I was broke but DAMN NIGGA I still got some money left over! WHAT SHOULD I BUY?
HOW ABOUT A NEW CAPS KEY?!?! LMAO!
OMG I heart you too! You are the ROCK to my ROCKZURZ! W/o you I’d just be zurz, so that would suck…majorly!
So here I am, just got done working out, eating red lentil soup. Got Porn Star Dancing playing, just a chill, chill night. I got to thinking about my past, something I do a lot these days ( I swear this has nothing to do with my choice of music). More specifically, last summer, a time when I knew everything about myself, but didn’t want to accept. Physically, I felt like shit-175 pounds, chips/pop/fast food everyday. Anything quick to curb my hunger, and then some was my motto. I knew what I wanted-a feminine, fit sexy exterior, but was far from it as far as I knew. Mentally speaking, I was very crippled and hurt. I was afraid of what others would think about me if they knew the truth, especially my family. Being so afraid in fact, that the already tiny shell I had stayed in for so long began to shrink drastically as the truth became more and more apparent-I had to come clean, or die. Death, as bitter and chilling as it may seem, sounded great to me back then. However, I was never one to take the easy way out, and that’s when I finally found a job. After so many months of searching, filling out tons of applications, both online and in stores, I had finally gotten one. This was it for me, a chance to get on my feet.
»>Fast forward 5 months«<
Having taken a chance leap of faith into the unknown, I managed to land on my feet, and for once, remain. I was scared, since it had been a long time since I held down a serious job, as well as the fact that I was a completely different person now. I had begun to accept who and what I was very seriously, which had taken a toll on my perception of the world. I was still fearful of letting others in on my deepest secrets, but sooner or later I realized that I would have to just let it go if I ever wanted to get better, and that’s the point I’m at in my life right now.
Having taken a stab at a Mediterranean-style diet, I managed to go from 175 to 143 and I feel so much better. I’ve completely cut chips/fast food and pop out of my diet (I’m gonna miss you Munchies chips!) and have even managed to boot out my utmost favorite snack of all, Combos…man those little fuckers are G-O-O-D. Oh, and lets not forget BK’s double cheese burgers…..oh my…..gaawawawawawawwaawd. I still have a ways to go however. My target goal is 130-135 (which may be way too skinny for someone who’s 6 ft tall but w/e) and I’m hoping to reach that within the next few months. Anyways, this post has to end, as I’m getting tired zzzzzzz…
Goodnight everyone! <3
